Sweet Disposition

The last two weeks I've been really bummed as I've been searching for a job...or just a sense of direction in general. I'll set an hour or two aside to job search every day. I've got family and friends on the lookout for me, and I appreciate it - it's really great of them, but so far, nothing has come of it. There have been a few rejections, but mostly, I don't hear back from people and we all know how frustrating that is.

And that's how I end up feeling at the end of these sessions - frustrated, disappointed, and upset. It's hard not to feel hopeless when you are actively participating in something that causes you to feel like you're not good enough, you're not qualified, or that everything you've done has been a waste of time.  It's hard not to feel like a failure when you have no friends nearby to comfort you, or feel like anyone takes notice of you at all. Of course this isn't true, but this is a difficult thing to remind yourself every single day.

The other day I was feeling depressed about it, so I thought, "Maybe I just need to have a good cry. I'll just listen to some sad music and get out all of the things that are annoying me." I thought about it for a minute and then decided - what's the point of that? I'm usually an advocate of crying, at least for myself, but I failed to see how it would help me in this situation.

I sat and thought about it some more, and came to the conclusion that I just need to pick positivity, and choose to be happy. Just like that. And it wasn't like a wave of warmth and compassion washed over me and my troubles were instantly consoled, but it felt real. I could see the hardships in my mind. All of the disappointment and exasperation would probably continue (as life does), but I knew that once I changed the way I saw things, I would find a happiness or joy that was more comforting.

I went through my quotes board on Pinterest to try to find something nice to put with this post. I couldn't choose one, so I picked these four that all have something to do with how I'm feeling. I'm sure it's how a lot of us are feeling.

So I guess what I want to say is this: even when it's so so hard and you don't know where to turn next, and you don't feel as strong as you actually are, do whatever you need to to muster up the smallest bit of hope and keep on going. Choose happiness and positivity. Choose to say: I'm not going to let this get me down. There are so many people that believe in you, even when you feel alone. But remember that it's you that has carried you through every hard time and it is you that saw things through till the end. Do whatever you need to to cultivate that hope in your heart, because that is what's going to help you carry on.