Sweet Disposition

Hello. I finally have time to sit and blog again.

Only this time, I am a graduate. I posted this on insta and fb, but I'll post it here anyways. I was overwhelmed of feelings of gratitude for all of the people in my life.

"There are so many people in my life that helped me get here, and I wish there was a way that I could adequately express my gratitude. But just know that if there was a time you helped me, were a friend to me, or taught me in some way, I am very grateful for all of you. I would not be the person I am without all of the wonderful and lovely people in my life. Thank you."

 It feels weird. People keep asking if I'm excited and if I feel any different, and the only thing I can describe to them is when it's like your 17th birthday or something, and people ask, "Do you feel older?" And you think, "Of course I don't feel older, I was only 16 yesterday. I'm suddenly going to feel an entire year older in one day?"

But that sort of response is sassy. So instead, you smile and nod your head absentmindedly, take a sip of whatever it is you're drinking and look for the nearest exit.

My other least favorite question is, "So now what are you up to?" I understand it's all coming from a place of good intentions, but A. it reaffirms my dislike for small talk, and B. it makes me insecure because I've got no freakin clue what I'm up to now. 

All I know is that finding a job is difficult when I was hoping it would be less so when I had a degree under my belt. I'm struggling to find see how I'm qualified to work at my grocery store - meanwhile, I'm wondering how all of these high school kids do so well. It makes me feel like a bit of a loser and a failure, so I just have to stop thinking about it and apply to more places. I don't know what I want to do, I don't know where I want to live. But I do have time to read the books I want or go outside for a bike ride, and that is all quite lovely.