Brianne, sick on my grandma's bathroom on moving day.

An unexpected hailstorm.

Our friends and local heroes, Midas Whale.

Brianne doing yoga to stay awake while reading scriptures.

We live across the street from the Park and it's lovely.

A replication of an original piece for an upcoming illustration assignment.

Wow, has the first week of school been crazy! I was talking to Brianne and Chris about how it feels like we've been here for so long. Usually it takes a few days to adjust to Idaho again, but there was something different about this time.

I hardly know where to begin. There's so much, so I'll have to condense it all. But I will say that I'm really excited and eagerly anticipating this semester's events. 

I really really like my professors. I think I'm about done with foundation courses, (give or take a religion class) so I'm in the big leagues. It's scary. But fun. Really fun, because naturally, it's more focused on my interests. 

My grammar teacher looks like Gregory Peck, with the diction of Tim Gunn. He's so great, and he has a lot of feelings about language. I often feel like I'm in a Mandarin class, because I understand the discussion about 28% of the time. I'm nervous about that, but I still have a good time.

My head drawing teacher is an interesting guy. I think he's one of those people who has a crazy thought train going in his mind, at all times, and it gets us on some unrelated topics during class. He has a lot of feelings in general. This has to be my least favorite class out of the semester, but only because figure drawing chair/"desks" are the most uncomfortable thing in this world.

I really really like my illustration teacher. He's got a lot of feelings about art too, and has got this great energy. He's so entertaining, but I feel like he will be a good resource and you won't be afraid to ask him for help. I've really enjoyed our time in there so far, and am excited about our assignments.

My last teacher is for lit. analysis and interpretation. He's a soft spoken older guy, but he's got a very interesting outlook on teaching, and I really have appreciated what he's done. He wants to make our class a safe place where we feel like we can contribute any comment, and just go with it. He also wants us to question everything - even the things that he says and does - so we can understand things for ourselves. And not live according to the "Ophelia Syndrome", if you will.

Our ward seems really great and the leadership is energetic and sincere. In past wards, people often talk about how they wanted to approach something a different way, but from what I can tell, these people are going to put it into action. I love that. 

I just got called to be piano player, and found out that two friends from my softball team last year are in my ward. We're all going to be buddies. I think I'm going to softball tryouts later this week, and hopefully yoga classes start up again soon. The farmer's market comes back early May, and the weather has slowly been getting warmer. I'm just really excited about a lot of things. 

It's been a long weekend, and I've been sick. It's been difficult to push through and move across the country when I just want to die on the floor, but we're finally unpacked.

Our house is smallish but I like it. The only thing I don't care for is the fact that we're in bunk beds and I'm on the top, but otherwise, I really like our new apartment. Our roommates seem cool so far.

Today we went to church and I'm really excited about our ward. It seems very welcoming and the semester looks promising. The weather was all blustery and cold, so we sat inside and napped, read, and cooked. It made me really happy. And tomorrow, school starts. 

Cheers to a new semester.

Some thoughts:

1. I was really upset hearing about what happened in Boston on monday, and it took me some time to recover. In times like these, it's really easy to lose faith in humanity, but this is what we need to see more of.

2. I'm not into oatmeal recipes, (recipes for smoothies and oatmeal are dumb, just put the food in already) but chia seeds are pretty good with oatmeal, almond milk, and blueberries.

3. On that note - it turns out that agave nectar is not a good alternative sweetener. Apparently it's got just as much fructose as high fructose corn syrup. Goodbye, agave.

4. Packing up for school is difficult, trying to get my bag to weigh less than 40 lbs. I already have plans to pretend to be pregnant so I can sneak my purse in because they won't let me bring it for free. Boo.

5. Maybe I'm late to the party, but I had no idea that Nina was such an insane pianist. I can't stop listening to this. What an appropriate song for me. About feelings. She gets me.
Start watching around 1:46 - things start getting really crazy around 3:06.

Even though there's some heavy stuff about to happen in this post, I'm going to try to be as lighthearted as possible. Because it's actually really funny looking back, and it was funny at the time. Laugh with me, as it is all I can do at this point.

Last thursday, I went to my Dr. for a check-up and he decided that we should start dealing with a problem that I've had: Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). A different dr. suspected this when I was about 16, but we never really did anything about it. I know some people are put on Metformin or something, but I proceeded on with life. And it didn't really seem like a problem. I didn't know much about it - I knew that it dealt with infertility, but that seemed like the least of my concerns, at age 16.

PCOS can cause infertility, but it encompasses so much more than that, and those side effects are what I've been dealing with for the past few years. I didn't have regular periods, found it difficult to lose weight, constant problems with acne, and felt crazy mood swings that were hard to keep up with. 

My dr. likes to take a holistic approach, and I'm glad he does. I've taken so much weird medicine, that I'd like to attempt to treat it naturally. I don't look down on medication, but if there's another way, I'd like to try it first. He made some suggestions as to what I should eat, including switching me back to gluten free. I felt pretty good about that at school, though it's much more expensive to do so, and it got difficult at times. Then he put me on Estrofactors, which are meant to relieve mood swings, among other things. 

Last night, I started getting really annoyed. I never know what's going to be the trigger, what's going to set me off. Yesterday it was lacrosse and the fact that my brothers were being a bit rude to me. I tried to contain myself, and there was an incident where I threw an oreo at someone out of frustration, but I didn't blow up. 

Then I got really upset about the fact that my family is so focused on lacrosse. Both of my brothers play, and it feels like that is all that we talk about. I started feeling selfish and thought about how no one asks me what I like to do or what I'm feeling. It was totally selfish and I knew it; the voice in my head reminded me that it wasn't about me and I needed to get over it and why was this even bothering me in the first place? It doesn't usually bother me, but last night, I had enough.

Then I googled PCOS so I could know more, and I started getting really overwhelmed. I already think bodies are weird to begin with, and their symptoms and diagrams were not helping. My mind was racing and I was starting to feel jittery and maybe a bit manic. All I wanted to do was run. (And I hate running.) I didn't want to exercise run, though, I just knew I had to take off. I put on my shoes and just went, as far as I could go. 

I made it about three or four blocks, and I only slowed down to cry or catch my breath. I was listening to "Carried Away" by Passion Pit on a loop, and I was wearing fair isle socks. So I really feel bad for whatever poor soul might have encountered this hot mess, zig zagging through a dark misty neighborhood. 

I arrived at a park, and I got on the swings. I sat there and cried as I pumped my legs higher and higher, until at last I started to calm down. I stayed there for about a half an hour, swinging and laughing to myself, thinking, "man, you're crazy." I was irrationally angry about the things that were bothering me, but I recognized it. And at the same time, I had to give myself some rope. We are allowed to get upset about things, but we can't let it control us. 

I walked home feeling better.

The point of this is, PCOS is a problem in my life, and I have to face it head on. It's going to be a really difficult daily challenge. I'm glad I have some sort of explanation as to why my body isn't functioning properly, and why I feel crazy all the time. It's not just me. I have to find the balance between being easier on myself when it's not entirely my fault I have all these crazy feelings, and not giving myself permission to have it out on whoever crosses my path. Because most of the time, I feel like I'm a pretty nice person. 

I don't know if I want this to become medically focused blog, because I have a life outside this disease. I have other interests, other things that consume my time. I like adventures and reading and playing music with my friends. But at the same time, I will have to make big lifestyle changes and maybe I'll want to talk about it. Let's see where this goes.

PCOS, I'm gonna conquer you. Just as soon as I stop crying about this baby animal video.

(P.S. It goes without saying that week 8 was a disaster, so in light of this new dietary change, I am going to try it again.)

Artist Spotlight - Mary Blair

I've always loved the look of Mary Blair's art. I was always drawn to her fearless color palette, especially with Peter Pan and Alice in Wonderland concept art.

I admire Mary's example in the early years of animation, where the field was very much a boy's club. She paved the way and won the admiration and respect of Walt Disney himself.

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Mary graduated from San Jose State College and won a scholarship to the renowned Chouinard Art Institute in LA. In 1934, she married another artist, Lee Everett Blair.

Mary and Lee both soon began to work in the animation industry, joining the Ub Iwerks studio. Lee went on to work at the Harman-Ising studios, before ultimately joining the Walt Disney studio, where he was joined by his wife in 1940.

She worked on films such as Alice in Wonderland, Peter Pan, Song of the South, and Cinderella. 

At the request of Walt Disney, who regarded highly her innate sense of color styling, Blair created a look for Disney's new attraction, "It's a Small World".

*source: Wikipedia

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If you're Mormon, hopefully you've read or at least heard about Al Fox. But if you haven't, she is an incredible powerhouse lady and here's why.

In 2009, Al Fox was living a happy life, when she was approached by missionaries. She had no intention of listening to them or acting on their challenges, but she told them if they would bring her a steak dinner, she'd listen. 

They brought her a steak dinner, and a few months later, she was baptized.

She's endured much because of her conversion. Some friends and family weren't accepting of her membership, and she decided to move to Provo, UT. On her first day there, she was waiting in line at Cafe Rio, and she was holding some sort of religious book - about a prophet or something.

  

And while I was waiting in line I felt very tense. I could feel stares in every direction; it felt like lasers. I stood there stiff trying to ignore it but I couldn't. I could physically feel the stares from everyone. Finally, the guy next to me tapped my on the arm and said, "You know...it's pretty ironic you look the way you do holding that book." 

My heart broke. Stomach knotted. Eyes teary.

It took a bit for me to react. So many emotions ran through me, and I had to decide which one I was going to express to him. What I so badly wanted to do was to turn to him, and yell. Yell & cry to him, "Do you know what I just went through?! Do you know how hard this is! Do you know who-and what- I had to give up to be here, and I don't even know why!"
How badly I wanted to walk around everywhere with my scriptures so that the 'lasers' would stop. And they didn't. I so badly wanted people to see me for who I've become. I literally craved more than anything for people to just know that I was trying. That's it. That I was trying. And they couldn't, and it hurt me so badly that it became physically exhausting.
How easy it would have been to yell at him. How easy it would have been to get mad. To get offended.  How easy it would have been to not just take it out on him, or the people of the city as a whole. But furthermore, how easy it would have been to be upset & confused towards Heavenly Father for leading me to such a place with so many lack of answers, answers that would have been very comforting during those experiences that so frequently occurred. How hard it was at this time to have just been baptized, still with such a small sliver of knowledge of the gospel & feel that.  To not have any boys talk to me because they are looking for temple worthy girls. Because they are looking for someone I do not exactly portray, that they didn't even talk to me.
Yeah- how easy it would have been to feel & react that way.
But I fought it. I decided otherwise.
I turned to this man in Café Rio. Introduced myself. Shook his hand. I smiled so big and simply said, “I just got baptized, this is my first day here!” I said it with happiness. I said it with pride. With confidence.

How many of us would have yelled at him, told him to shut up, or be rude in some other way? I probably would have. But Al had the strength and courage to respond with kindness and grace.

Now, she spends a lot of her time making videos on youtube, testifying of her faith and encouraging others to use the internet for good. She wants others to know of her happiness and of God's love for them.

I seriously love this girl. She is bold and fearless, she is compassionate and understanding. She wants us all to know that we are each of individual worth, and encourages us to be the best, most loving person of ourself. She is such an incredible role model.

Be the person that others can rely on to bounce ideas off of in a spontaneous manner which is free from judgement.

Some of the best thinking -that has allowed me to grow and develop- has been within the safety of these relationships.

So often we are afraid to pose a question or verbally ponder an idea to another person, for fear that they won't try to understand. If you don't have that person in your life now, try to be one for someone else.

Even if you feel like you have nothing of significance to contribute to the conversation, maybe the mere fact that you are present is enough, for now. You can absorb these thoughts and mull them over. When timing takes advantage of inspiration and everything falls into place, you will be glad you were there to hear the original thought.